For my Mother's Day...

Today was a pretty good day. Started off with my daughter bringing every one of her stuffed animals to my room to wake us up. We at brunch at a local coffee shop, and I got a white mocha lavender latte (yum!). After, my husband had scheduled me for a 90 minute massage for Mother's Day. That was pretty nice. Caught myself falling asleep a few times (oops). When that was done, we went shopping at Target and got a few things that I needed... and a lot of things I didn't. Came home, watched Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs (it was raining here today and my daughter hadn't seen the movie yet). Oh yeah, we ate sushi for dinner. It was a pretty good day.

All of that to say I am very thankful who spoils me on Mother's Day. He knows how hard this weekend is for me. Being a mother, especially a relatively new one, without a mother is extremely hard. I have my grandma who lives an hour away, and a wonderful mother-in-law who my daughter has a wonderful relationship with. But it is not the same as having your own mother. There isn't a day that goes by without thinking of my mom. Most days I can go on without crying, but some random thing will set me off and I'll be tearful until the pain is gone.

Sure, time does heal the wounds, but sometimes old wounds ache. My husband broke his leg in high school, and years later, when he is on his feet too long or the weather is just right (or wrong, I guess) it will ache. That is also true for emotional wounds, I believe. It is hard to explain unless you've already been through it. But all loss is different. I lost a grandpa very suddenly five days after I got married. It was devastating. My husband and I were about to step in the elevator to go see him when my cousin came out of the next one and told me he had passed. Talk about shock. And yes, I miss him so much. I couldn't walk by his picture without crying for six months. But it is not the same is missing my mom. She has been gone for over three years and it still feels like just a few days.

Not all grief is the same. But we can move on. It is SO cliche to say that "they are always with us", but for me, it is true. My daughter will never see my mom outside of pictures. She will never know her voice or the way she laughed. But she will know her by the stories and memories I share with her. And that will have to be enough.

Okay, enough being a drag! Happy Mother's Day! Tell your mom you love her and spend every minute you can with her! Call her at 3am and just talk. Skype or FaceTime with her, even if its just to sit and watch a movie together if you're long distance. Eat her favorite meal with her. Do it for me. And be nice to her. She put up with you for 18 years <3

Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash